Money in the Bank.

Most teachers will tell you that building relationships with kids is the key to teaching and learning.  Good teachers think about this when setting up structures for their class and great teachers make students feel good everyday.  The majority of us get stuck between our desire to have a relationship with the student and our stress to get this work done TODAY.  The hardest aspect of teaching is how many decisions and reactions we have in the moment that we can't think out in advance.

"What do you mean you don't have a pencil (book, homework, paper)?"
"I'm tired of people not caring as much as I do."
"Sit down! Be Quiet!"

Here is the first and only truth that matters.  Learning is emotional.  Any teacher who has been chastised in a faculty meeting will be able to remember exactly how that made them feel and how much they learned afterwards.  But sometimes that experience doesn't transfer to the classroom.  Imagine talking to adults the way we routinely talk to kids.  They wouldn't stand for it!  And yet, not only do we expect students to put up with our frustration with a smile but we expect them to LEARN afterwards.

One time I was talking to a parent about homework.  Their child wasn't turning in any homework and despite many struggles, structures, and reward systems...we couldn't get the kid to work at home.  The parent finally turned to me and said, "I'm just not willing to hurt my relationship with him because of homework."  At the time I was a new teacher and was completely perplexed.  Now, as a parent, I get what they were saying.  There are going to be lots of battles.  I'm going to need some money in the bank in order to handle them.  I can't spend all my coin on this issue.

Does this mean we give up on the kid or "let them off the hook?"  No, but it does mean that we ask ourselves at each step along the way, "Do I have any money in the bank?" This isn't easy, our emotions are involved as well as our evaluations and sometimes paychecks.  But, in the end, the student is more important than any rule.

Strategies to use
1. Plan structures in advance as much as possible.  Know the answer to the pencil, paper, homework, worksheet question and have a way for that child to learn that day.
2. Try not to make instant decisions.  Ask the child to wait for a moment and deal with someone else while you have a chance to think.
3.  Put yourself in their position.  How would you feel?  How would you want to be treated by your boss?
4.  Give respectful choices that support learning but put the student at the wheel.  For example, if a child doesn't have a pencil, you might say, "Well, you can figure out how to get one, you can give me something and borrow one from me, or you can come in after school and learn this material when you are ready."
5.  Put money in the bank!  Joke, smile, and listen.  You're going to need those good feelings when things get tough.

Bonus: Chose the student over the rule.  This doesn't mean don't have rules...but use importance and relevance to help students get the understanding.  Don't ever tell a student, "because I said so."